I'm going crazy. So much shit to do. Chinese pt memorising. English pt individual part. Chinese yi lun wen. SL lesson planning. Updation of CSI blog. Philo PT. And many other things to worry about:( this sucks big time fjihDOFdfioojfc392e201232clj. Sometimes, I wonder if I think to much. I know it's not good for me but I have to. Or I would be some noob who is oblivious to her surroundings. Life is getting better ya? I know it. It will. It was never bad anyway. Just the stressed part. aargh.

I hate that feeling. The sense of worry, anxiety and sadness when I am supposed to be having fun with her. The thought that there are so many freaking things to complete is so annoying. What has this school done to me. Ugh.

Heh I am in a bad mood. Stay away from the big grouch, Victoria. GRRRRR. okay shall stop laming. nights.

I just read an extremely touching and inspiring article recommended by Drus. Haizz so emotionally rousing and yet saddening. It was about this father of two, Paul, 49, who was diagnosed with stage 3 skin cancer 8 months before he passed on peacefully. 8 months before his death, he realised there were far too many tasks that he wanted to complete or looked forward to. He passionately believed his children, Thomas and Lucy, should have more than just fading photographs to remember him by. For the children were only five and one-and-half years old at the time of his passing. “There was nothing more important to Paul than being the best father he could be,” says his wife, Mandy. With this extremely mind-blowing setback in his life, he felt there was no reason or time to indulge in self-pity. This caring father wrote letters, filmed messages, prepared future birthday presents and his personal chest of favorite books. “Each book is accompanied by a note to Thomas and Lucy explaining why Paul loved it, and how much he hopes they will too when they’re old enough to read it,” explains his wife.

“The three most important virtues are: Loyalty, integrity and moral courage. If you aspire, friends will respect you, employers will retain you, and your father will be immensely proud of you. I am therefore giving you several pieces of advice. These are the principles on which I have tried to build my life and they are exactly those that I would have encouraged you to embrace, had I been able to.” “I love you very much. Never forget that.” he said, believing strongly in it.
“He also wrote that they should never give up, and he certainly never did. He fought so bravely, so courageously, right to the end.”

With his passing at home, some eight months after his terminal diagnosis, Mandy was certain he’ll be able to rest peacefully knowing that he had left the best legacy any father could. “When some people are told they have just a few months to live, they decide their life won’t be complete until they’ve bungee-jumped off Sydney Harbor Bridge or seen the Grand Canyon. But that wasn’t Paul. All that was important to him was right here. He lived and died by his own rules, and I know he had found his fulfillment.”

We all have a finite amount of time in this world, some less than others. And it is not the amount of time, rather how we use it which truly matters. Ever so often we get absorbed by our daily rat race and tend to take our loved ones for granted. Perhaps it is time we slow down and re-examine ourselves before it is too late.

A FATHER'S RULES FOR FINDING FULFILLMENT

Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.
Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.
Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.

I love you both with all my heart.
Daddy x

I truly admire this wonderful figure. His wisdom is beyond what I can imagine.

It seems like shit when so much of my time is spent on work. How about other personal stuff, vic? The only times that I can spare for myself are like meagre. wtf why is my life so screwed up. I must continue smiling and be happy. Yes I will. It has been a long while since the last time I was so depressed. Stress, fucking go and die.

wtf. I am such a failure. How can I flunk maths?! Isn't it too late to regret now. This paper is 20% and look what. This sucks like shit. My time management is gross. Oh gosh how can I not complete so many questions?! Maths is supposingly the easiest subject and I Flunk it? I dont deserve to be in this school. I'm afraid of failing. The feeling is incomprehensible. Mum's disappointment is breaking my heart. The fact that she didnt chide me and encouraged me instead made me more guilty. I am sorry, mum and dad. I will work harder for the Math EYA. Haizz now I have to account to Dr Kwek this sunday. :/ Hang on, Vic. Yes, I will try my best to improve for EYA.

Woots almost completed SIP!(: "And it felt so good! A woman let me put my p*nis..." lol so addicted to that dumb song. Anyways, these past few days have been spent doing SIP till about 1 and it's seriously killing me. Why is RGS screwing up with my life so badly?!